Heavy heart is heavy.

I lost my day job today. And my right shoulder hurts like hell (yay muscle tension) – typing is only bearable thanks to Ibuprofen.

I am heartbroken. I liked this job, and I want to stay in Freiburg. I crave bourgeois security and stability, and I’d like so much to be a little more well off. I got informed of my dismissal in the most friendly manner. It hurts anyway.
It would have been so good to achieve something like professional stability, expertise, maybe even something like a career. Maybe regular eight-thirty to five-thirty employment is not for me. Maybe I’m meant to be a freelancer or self-employed. Maybe I’m not meant to have a bourgeois life, security, regularity, nice owned flat, car and all.

At least, this job was good for one thing: I got out of stagnation and out of Berlin. I got to move here – and if the next bread-winning thing is in, say, Karlsruhe, moving on will be a whole lot easier. But still, I know now how much I want to stay in this region.

It’s a weak consolation, but being unemployed has the upside of having a little more time for music on my hands, and being able to get back to learning on my own.


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